My T acted pissed off at least once, but we dealt with it. It wasn't harmful. It let me know that he's a real person too, not a wall. It was a good discussion and felt very real. I actually have a big problem when people get angry with me--I kind of shrink and go away. I have often thought it would be helpful to me if my T would get angry at me, deliberately, kind of as an exposure therapy of sorts. I don't really think he would agree to this, though, and I'm not sure if it would be appropriate. As long as I knew he was doing it just to provide a stimulus to desensitize me, I think I would be OK with it, but he may think differently. I haven't suggested it.

I think some Ts may use anger for its shock value--acting angry when they hear of a client's abuse, for example, as a way to make the client sit up, take notice, and stop minimizing what has happened to them and take the abuse seriously. The anger is a way of saying, "hey, that is NOT okay!" about the abuse, and may be more effective than saying quietly, "I don't like how that person treated you, Ms. Client." The message has a better shot of getting through when expressed vehemently. Like recently, I was relating to T a situation where I'm working on a relationship with someone and I reported that this person told me I was too sensitive. T reacted with some vehemence (anger?) when I told him that, and told me I am not too sensitive, that the other person's saying that was just a way of them excusing their own behavior, etc. It really was not harmful to me to have T react that way. It makes me remember our exchange better because of that.

InTherapy, has your T ever gotten angry with you? Is your belief in anger's inappropriateness based on personal experience with your T?