Mania was how I was able to be social. It was the only time I had the confidence to go places and do things and I never was concerned about what anyone thought. I was active and happier.

I was also a pain the arse even to myself.

But now I have no motivation to do anything. I spend most of my time anxious and afraid. Truly depressed. I don't turn down invitations to do things with friends, but I do not completely enjoy myself either.

Seems like the up was fixed, but the down came back. I would rather have the up.