I spent this weekend getting over a cold and I feel better in regards to that. But, I also feel worse, emotionally. I spent yesterday afternoon through this afternoon with my b/f and his teenage kids. Now I'm home and feeling lonely.

I tried to identify my feelings and why I was sad. When it comes down to it, I am feeling: lonely, sad, like I'm alienated in my own apartment.

I wonder if I will ever be happy.
I wonder what my life means in the great big scheme of things.
I wonder what my future holds and where I will be.
I wonder why I hate myself and yet have such compassion for other people.
I wonder why I feel like I live my life doing things for other people.

I am not suicidal, so please don't interpret what I'm saying in that way...I just sometimes think that I'm just a small fish in a big world and it doesn't really matter in the great big scheme of things.

I should get up off my butt and go to the gym (in my apartment complex) and work out. I figured the endorphines would do me good. I just want to go to bed and cry...I wish it were later than it is now. I just wish this week would go by already.