Dear T

That was a pretty hideous couple of days, wasn't it? Nearly 3 years into therapy I finally see the value of waiting till my session to tell you something important, rather than blurting it out in an email, and I wait for 7 days, only to then wait and wait for you as you're 35 minutes late. Seriously T, 35 minutes? And then you tell me that it was because you had to speak to HR because otherwise it would have had to wait till Monday? HR, T?? What was HR going to do at 4.35pm on a Friday rather than 9am on Monday that would have made any difference? We had the session and stayed vaguely on track. But how sad that instead of being angry with you, instead of holding to *my* boundaries and refusing to wait because I had plans for afterwards, I felt angry with myself. I felt so utterly stupid for believing that the pathetic things I had wanted to tell you were important to you too, for believing that I was important enough for you to be there when you were supposed to be.

And then a hideous Saturday to follow it up. For the first time in months I've actually been glad that we don't have contact today, and I'm feeling quite anxious that tomorrow will throw me back into high distress. I don't know what to say or how to be with you, for fear of doing or saying or being 'wrong'.