I woke up this morning feeling worse than I have in a very long time. Apparently, she returned a hoodie that I gave her as a gift to my brother. He never told me and I found it when I was cleaning out my parents' house. My mother said he gave it to her because he wasn't sure what to do with it and didn't want to talk to me. He talked with her to some extent and said a lot of things that gave me hope, yet shot me down completely. I had been trying to get in contact with her for some time, yet, upon hearing nothing back from her, gave up. He told me, however, that she was still up in the air about getting in contact with me.

So this morning, I sent her a text saying simply that I missed her as my best friend, I wonder if she's doing okay and wanted to talk to her. I get a response back quickly saying "Who is this?" That means she's deleted my number. So I just told her it was me and that I would like to talk to her. A few minutes later, I get a call from an unknown number on my phone and it's her father. He said he blocked my number and doesn't know how I was able to text her, but he wants me to leave her alone before things get ugly. She's a grown woman and she gets her father to stick up for her?!

That killed me and I had an constant sobbing and panic attack that lasted a half hour. Enough that I thought I was going to kill myself. Just to end it. Just to end this constant pain. I'm still not sure why I didn't. I want to end it all so badly.