Last night I did a thing that I've been told a lot of bulimic people do... I was up late watching a rerun of Boy Meets World and I started to feel hungry. I battled with myself on eating close to bedtime, but I felt starved despite the monster sandwich I had for dinner. Regardless, I crammed a burrito into my mouth. I think some people call it "binge eating." I'm not sure, I always associated the word, "binging" with drinking.

A few minutes after I finished, I found myself in front of the can, ready to hurl. To be completley honest, I don't even remember goin' there. All I remember is feeling guilty for eating, fighting with my self whether I should keep it down or not. Then I split in two. Half of me said, "Keep it down! We usually don't eat so late anyway, this time could be an exception as long as we never do it again." The other side, that *****, was saying, "If you make an exception now, you'll keep making exceptions until you become a big, bloated pig."

It was scary that I just came to the can second nature after a meal. I thought for a while, about the people rooting for me to keep my food in, then I dropped a line to my best friend. I told him what I was about to do and he praised me for not doing it. I felt really good even though I got a simple, "Yay you. I'm so proud." Knowing I can consiously step away, man, I wish that you all could feel what it's like (and if you do know, I'd heart to hear your success stories).

I want to help everyone now! So, I've decided to throw a party. Food is on me, there will be an open bar. The Ipocac cost a dollar a shot ; ) hehehe.