I'm sorry you lost your post, stormgirl. I hate it when that happens to me.
It's difficult feeling isolated. Is there anyone irl you can reach out to? I can't remember if you have a T - but can your dr help you if you aren't seeing a T at present? Sometimes the only way I can ask for help - and i have done this with my dr in the past - is to write down what is happening to me. I even mailed a letter once to make sure he had time to read it before my appt.
I can't see how you could possibly be making folk here feel sad or mad. All I have seen you do is reach out and help and be supportive. I hope you can find a way of letting others offer you that support too - but I appreciate how scary that can feel.
Be safe
C