Obsessing about it, hm? Do know you if you have OCD, like, have you been diagnosed? The event itself could have been precipitated by a pure obsession that lead to it being acted out... And your reaction now & needing reassurance to feel better may also be a manifestation of OCD. I won't go into my own details, but I have done some pretty silly & disgusting things when I was young that have been linked to a similar cause... It makes sense to worry about being judged, but honestly? It's nothing anyone needs to know about because it was a one time thing that means absolutely NOTHING in the context of who you are now.