My problem seems to be very complicated and in the same time , i can't go to a psychologist for social reasons ... Please have patience to read the entire message and give your answer as i need your help more than you can imagine .

My name is Ramy and i am 24 years old, i live in cairo - Egypt ... I have a bachelor degree in engineering ... I spent a vey very beautiful childhood period but by the beginig of teen's age my crisises began this was at age of 14 exactly ... I began to feel depression and fear from future while missing the beautiful past... from this time , i began to find myself thinking for a long times to a degree that i was not studying but thinking in every thing ... This was not normal at all as i discovored later on that those thoughts where trials to make my self convinced with things in which i am already convinced and sometimes , i was trying to make myself desiring to make things that i am already desiring .
ex:
I found myself trying to make myself desiring to study using some other trials to convince myself about advantages of studying well ... This was horrible .
The problem is that although i dicovered all of this , sometimes i enter similar crisises while i can't stop it .. thinking thinking thinking even at sleep time , i can't sleep ... i weep every day ... i feel i lost my principals and beliefs .

Please note that although these crisises are frequent but between them i feel almost normal and happy ... I want to be normal like others and i want to return as when i was a child .. i was happy and taking every thing simply with no fear from future .

Pleae doctor take care of my problem and help me as much as you can ... Please tell me why this happens and if there is a psychological desease with these symptoms as i am afraid that my case is so strange that even psychology don't know it... I suffer a lot from this type of thinking which i can't stop ... i feel sometimes that i deal with myself as if i am another one trying to make myself convinced with determined things or desiring determined things .
please tell me :
1-Is there any desease with these symptoms exactly and what is its name ?
2-How while i know all of this i still enter these crisises ?
3-Is there ant treatement ... Please tell me about
it ?

Note : Between crisises , I am almost normal but when crisis begins ... i feel failure and depression and i weep a lot while tired from thinking .

Thanks for answering soon