Onward, I relate to your post A LOT. My whole life I have always replied "failure" when asked what my biggest fear is. I have succeeded on many things in my life but have reached a point where my mental health is keeping me from reaching the full success that I always dreamed of, and really do deserve at this point.
I worked my *** off my entire life to become a veterinarian. I did it and I did it well, thank you very much , but at the end of the journey things started to go downhill. There have been obstacles and things to overcome in general, and I have handled many of them. But there are many that I haven't handled and I don't think I can. If I can I'm not sure that I ever will.
I don't know how to explain it. I have the means to do what I always wanted... sort of. Like I said there are obstacles and although I have done well in the past, I just don't think I can overcome these.
I ask myself do I want it bad enough, and I don't think I want it enough to deal with the consequences and obstacles.

So am I really afraid of failure? Because it seems that what I am doing now is failing. Or am I afraid of the consequences that come with success? I am still a veterinarian. I succeeded at that and no one can take that away. But I am not performing as a practicing veterinarian and I seem to be accepting that due to fear of what that success means. I am constantly terrified of making a mistake and an animal dying bc I was incorrect or simply not good enough. I am an Avoidant also and it seems to fit that I have found another way to work within my profession while avoiding doing the things that would make me "completely sucessful". Now I work with the government because it is nice and safe. But I will never be that person that saved your pet's life like I have always wanted to be.

I find your question intriguing...

Doc