
Feb 28, 2012, 03:52 PM
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Member Since: Sep 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,196
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My sister and I just dropped my mom off at the mental hospital, where she'll probably be for the next few days. She's been depressed and suicidal lately, and the psychiatrist that we both see recommended that she go to the hospital. I'm really kind of shaken up about it.
The thing is that I can't help but blame myself. Almost two years ago I was in the hospital myself, and spent a long time in a phase of depression that I haven't even close to overcome until recently. I know it's probably ridiculous to feel like I contributed, but I just feel that had I not been depressed and had she not have had to spend so much of her time worried about me, she would have taken better care of herself and her own emotions.
She is always mad at me about something or other, and the fact that sometimes I feel out of control with my emotions gets to her as much as it does me. For the first time I wish I could be mental illness free, not just for me, but for her. I don't think I realized until now how much this has been wearing her down, and I hate myself for it.
I'm only sixteen, but I can't help but worry about my mom and feel like it's my responsibility to take care of her. But even if it was, I'm doing a pretty crappy job doing that, regardless. I just want to be the perfect daughter and make things easier for her. But I don't think I can.
Just some hugs or words of kindness would be appreciated... it's scary to see my mom like this, and since she forbade us to tell anyone in our family she is at the hospital, I feel kind of alone. So, thank you for anything you can offer. 
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Let the shadow prove
The sunshine.
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