This describes the position I used to take with people. But now that I have gained some distance from my mother, I would restate it thusly:

Where "(the other) is impervious" I would say, my mother was defensive, and I am now projecting that defensiveness onto other people whether they want it or not. "It's a respectful position" because I didn't get whacked by mother when I acted this way - so it's still safe now to act this way; SHE wants me to act this way - but again, maybe the REAL PERSON standing in front of you doesn't - you haven't asked them, you (ie, I) just assume. So this is why the other person gets angry at (y)our detachment - we don't even bother to try to get to kniw them - we objectify them. Our safety is paramount. I need to see where else I do this - like within myself.