I first asked my T to help expediate my getting an official copy of my medical/psychotherapy record with all notes so I can try to cope with what happened in med reactions with my cardiologist. She forgot the first time; second time I asked again, she said, "you came in here, all assertive , asking for your record"; yeah, like it was a joke to her. Then last week the lid blew off, I asked again for it in the office setting, not her office and she didn't know where to get the release form, got all defensive and said she felt attacked. I think she was afraid I'd find out what she really "notated" about me, and that's not paranoia. It was a dramatic wake up call in my progress toward asking for needs to be met and dealing with resistance and controlling persons with their control/power issues. She had set up a comfortable "balance of power" between us and my assertiveness was not something she wanted to deal with. I liked her, sadly. But she changed. She was a heavy set woman and really had a very official sense of what psychology was all about. Went in to sign the form today; they treated me like a third grader to "help" me fill it out...what a bunch of control freak women social workers, one psychologist, sucking the life blood out of our healing identities and sucking out their livings as well. I'm done. Zut alors, done....as I feel I need help or support I shall find a T in a private setting...writing a complaint ltr. to dept. of public health for violation of my contract in dropping meds. What a revelation in how bad people can really treat others....i have no hope in them anymore. I know where my hope is. Forgive me if I rambled or if this is out of context, but I'm still off meds, waiting to see my cardiologist for clearance, but the veil has lifted; people do exploit people...it's just in them to do it. Taking back control...taking back my power...don't give it to anyone, especially if you've been abused in life by evil in your family or relationships. You are you. Beautiful and perfect. Become that.
I'm trying...it can be a lonely journey, but no one else can do it for me.