It is amazing to me how much help and support I received from a group of people I don't really know, who don't really know me. How weird is that? Why do you guys even care if I go? Don't get me wrong, I am amazed and terribly grateful that you DO care, and that you took the time to help me all this last week. It just amazes me.

My T also said a lot of nice things last week and this week, that I need to think about more. He insists he is telling the truth and not just making up nice things. For instance, he says that although he knows therapy is weird and it is the weirdness of the relationship that causes feelings like those I talked about last week, he also feels really privileged when someone like me expresses loving feelings, and reveals really private information. He said I was neat, engaging, wonderful and loving. He said adoring me was a "no-brainer" and it was a sign of how pathological my family that they don't love me. All things that are really amazing to hear, but that I also feel are untrue or suspicious. I still struggle with this, "what is his point? what does he want?" response.

He also said that if he thought I was gross or was repelled by me, he wouldn't lie to me about it; he would evade the issue and redirect me. So, when he says that he is "the opposite of repelled" by me, I can believe him. I actually said, "the opposite of grossed out? The opposite of repelled? Are you just not ALLOWED to the say the word, or are you being self protective?" His reply, "I'm pretty sure there's a rule against it," and he laughed.

So, lots of nice things about the last couple days, both from this forum and from my T to process. I feel kinda like that Smiley guy on Saturday night live tonight: I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and by golly, people like me!" hahahahaha