I don't visit this forum very often...I wish I didn't have a reason to.

Last night I was doing dishes and watching tv. The movie Sleeping With the Enemy was on. I don't know what but my body was reacting so violently to it. I assume it triggered me a lot. It was at the part where they were kissing the on the steps and she was freaking out.

I don't know exactly what I was reacting to. I guess I felt very fearful myself and I wanted to cry. But more than anything I wanted to crawl into a corner and just start cutting myself...a lot.

I don't know how to explain what I was feeling or even the thoughts I was having. It was just the feeling of something horrifying. I couldn't place a finger on what I was feeling or even any distinct thought that I was having. It was almost as if I was that woman on the screen freaking out. I guess that's really the best way to explain it.

I had to isolate after being so upset by the movie. I just couldn't deal with anything...or anyone...at that moment. Some days I feel as if I am the queen of triggers (meaning I am triggered by almost everything).

Some days I'd just rather be alone. The worst part is that I don't get any support offline. My bf tries, but since he's severely schizoaffective, I think it's really hard for him. All he ever says is "I know" when he has no idea and just ends up sounding like he doesn't really care or like he thinks he knows it all. I know he tries, but it's ends up sounding like he thinks he has to say something to stay supportive but what he says really isn't supportive at all.

I'm not gonna tell him not to say that anymore because that'll just make it so he won't say anything at all but sometimes I wish he would say nothing at all. If someone would talk me down or ask questions about what I'm reacting to then it would be different and much more like support than what I get in real life, ya know?

Ok, I'll shut up now.