As I begin to put to words here what has been running through my mind, I wonder how much of this is my illness talking. I have bipolar disorder, and surprisingly, at age thirty-one, I have found myself in my first successful relationship, where it is not with someone who is an addict or who is cheating on someone else. Everything in this new healthy relationship is calm, albeit boring. I have an urge to confront my boyfriend, Ramon, about being too dependent on me. He says he would be nothing without me. It is just way too weak. He almost has emotional, feminine characteristics sometimes. I find myself challenging him to see if he will defend himself, if he has any man in him. I thought I would date him as a statement about being now in my thirties, to convince myself I was out of my bad boy phase. I still flirt with my ex-boyfriends who are more macho. There is a counseling center we go to that is opeb tomorrow night, we both could go in together. The other thing about Ramon is that he will not stop holding my hand, not for one second. I have a stick shift car, and I have to keep one hand on the wheel, one shifting gears, and he will not let go of my hand even long enough for me to shift gears!! I hazve told him time and time again I NEED TO SHIFT GEARS!! He always says over and over, I love you, I love you, even when I am trying to have a different topic of conversation! Perhaps part of growing up and maturing is not being in a manic kind of relationship, but perhaps I've gone too far in the other direction. He also doesn't provide much intellectual stimulation. If I go into the counseling center with him, how can I see if he is too dependent on me, if he has no sense of self?