Please let go of the idea that you did anything wrong. You did nothing wrong. Clients can do no wrong. The burden of performance is always on the therapist.

I think one of the reasons we find it difficult to give up guilt - the feeling we've made a mistake, we've done something bad or wrong - is that this perception gives us a sense of power. If it's something WE'RE doing, we can change that!

If on the other hand there was nothing you could do to win your T's love, that's really depressing.

So you cling to the belief that there's still something you can do to change the situation - it makes you feel more powerful, gives you hope.

But so much of what you've said about this T screams out that she was at fault (and possibly incompetent).

It sounds like this experience with the awful T was very damaging to you, and you need closure. It's okay to discuss these things with your new T. But instead of opening up with, "Why do I project too much," or, "How can I be a better client," or "What did I do wrong," maybe ask:

"Why do I have a need to blame myself if therapy doesn't work out?" Or, "Why do I feel so much pressure to perform as a client?" Or, "Why have I cast myself in the bad little girl role, and how can I change the way I feel about myself?"

These might be some areas worth exploring. Hope you feel better soon!