I agree with everyone that contacting xT is a mistake, at least right now. T's are supposed to help us with our emotions, not criticize us or make us feel like failures. In their office is where we're supposed to feel safe to express whatever we're feeling, whether we perceive those feelings as ugly and inappropriate or not.

Once when I behaved poorly with my T, I apologized to her. She is so sweet. She said, "No, don't apologize. The more parts of you that show up in session, the better. From a therapist's point of view that is gold."

T's job is to validate our feelings and then help us normalize them, not condemn us for them.