Quote:
Originally Posted by AniManiac
...If I hear anything to the effect of "just think your way out of depression" one more time I'll stab someone in the eye. If I could just think happy thoughts and make things better, I would have done that already...
|
And I shall hand ye instruments with which to stab and join in, vigorously employing apparatuses ambidexterously. 'Nuf said. This admonition
unto itself had caused me
decades of pain and self-loathing. No matter how long, no matter how hard, no matter what method, I
could not do this and beat myself up mercilessly over this failure. (At the other end too, btw, rage etc.) Hearing such things and not knowing there were others who also could not was devastatingly isolating.
No other accomplishment could erase this abject failure as a human being. How,
HOW, could it
be that I could do nearly
anything else I set my head and hand to and not
this? This singular thing I SO
very desperately wanted more than anything else to be able to do...
Quote:
Originally Posted by AniManiac
...I'm already tired of hearing that I need to "accept my limitations." Yes, I realize that it's important to be realistic about what I can do when I'm depressed.
...my abilities and potential have not changed at all because of the dx... I just have to remind myself that sometimes it's OK to take things a little more slowly for awhile - that's the extent of "accepting my limitations" that I'm willing to accept.\rant
|
Amen.
I am the SAME person I was before dx. This should be an obvious truism. What changed is not
who I am, what changed is my
understanding. Instead of just beating myself up and making mistake after huge mistake (among other things), I could begin to
realize what was going on and
do things towards lessening the damage. I am the same person. Albeit, probably a
little easier to live with.
For myself as well.
Right with you on the sometimes cutting some slack when it's needed, AniManiac. It's part of learning not to beat myself up. But I'm not letting go of the whole sail, not without a damn good fight. There
are things that have been effected for me because of BP. But there are
also things that affect me because of age (Which po's me even more, actually!). It's just part of the way it is. It's OK for me to no longer take a job lifting 80-90 pound things every day (I'm 115). I used to! (My longest-held job, btw.)
That ability has shifted for me (Though I'm still one damn tough coot!
). I have to let it go. But other things/abilities have not changed as much. Slack cut as needed is ok, but there is positive mindset that can be utilized in holding on to those parts that we can when we are able to do so.
So yeah, that's part of the mindset too. Being as aware as possible of what is going on and not selling ourselves short in what we are able to do when we are able to do it. So... it may not be possible at all times in all ways. So what?! That's OK! This is not to say that there aren't times when it is soul-crushingly little -- that's ok too. It does NOT negate the other.