I'm back here, myself, today, because people here do understand. Here, now, it's 10:30 pm, I'm grasping at some way to make tomorrow better than today, and I know that my best chance lies in rest. So, I'm taking myself off to bed, even though what I want to do is watch an iPad episode of Justified and the drama and intensity of Harlan County. Oh, to be on the edge and be some sort of savior, emotionally crippled or not (as Raylan Givens, the hero of that show is). I'm getting into Boyd, the bad guy, 'way too much. So, off to bed, no feeding my fantasies of righteous violence. What we borderlines need, especially before bed, is that small list, even one or two things, of soothing things we do for ourselves, small rituals to right the day, give us a little hope for tomorrow--that little reminder that we do have control over some things. And we start there. Brush our teeth. And if tonight, that means no toothpaste because even that is an effort, then, so be it. But, brush our teeth...Rinse our face off, even if waiting for the water to run warm is too much to do, and dealing with the soap is too much to ask. Tonight, I am trying to take care of myself as I would make sure I took care of a very tired child: I would still make sure I put her to bed without a grimy face and with smooth teeth for the morning. Small blessings, just for ourselves. Nobody has to know.