(obscure thread title brought to you by bpd industries)

.....if my mind is amazing....then why do I 'feel' so stupid? Can I even 'feel' stupid?...is 'stupid' a feeling, or is it a thing?
I even feel kinda stupid asking what appear to be stupid questions!

sumthing or dumthing?

wow!...check me out...putting myself down...YAY!!
...like as if thats a good idea!

but....there is a breakthrough...(beyond speculation)
I don't actually 'think' I am stupid, I can sort of tell from inside my skull here where all the mechanisms are spinning in some bizarre chaotic harmony.....sometimes....but good enough.
when I do my schoolwork I can rip out some terrific stuff!, takes ages but it happens. Someone comes to me with a problem?....I can often help them 'nut it out'...solve it maybe...even!

I can even produce a look on my face that proves I am deep in analytical thought...and hold it there!..the part of my brain that survived the assault of real nasty drugs, it still functions better than average.

but......give me an emotional event, like I had one today, and trying to navigate it with this same brain, it just hurts so much and I end up 'feeling' stupid....I hardly even know what words to use now?
...and regardless of the outcome of the event...there are so many confusing factors bunching up...it's mentally blitzing with all the feelings associated with all the factors and what this and that means or might means and the implications and the fallout!....oh christ and everything!...crap.

the bloody day seems like about 3 flippin' years long!

I said way back somewhere in my life....might have been 4 minutes ago?...I feel like I am nearly 900 years old!

A complicated old man...with a big heart...a stupid dis-order...living in a weird world.
what a HOOT!!

love all,
monkey