Thank you both so much for responding. The depth of understanding you both have displayed in you unique ways, is very helpful. I feel better knowing that someone understands and someone cares.

Wolfsong: Your response made me cry, I was so touched by the compassion and clarity of your words. We are successes. Somewhere between 1 in 9 and 1 in 10 of us die with suicide because of this disease. Who know how many of us die by other related diseases like cirrhosis or heart disease caused by self medicating? We have a pretty high mortality rate.
To continue living is a challenge for us. it is OK for us to be proud of our accomplishment of staying alive, of not giving in to the disease and pain.

If you got out of a bad relationship, that is something to celebrate. I am proud of you.

Thank you again for your response to my plea for help. You are a lovely person.

Improving: I can mentally picture a bathroom with shelves of TP from floor to ceiling. What an interesting decorating idea! I would be great for sound proofing too. That way no one would have to hear you singing in the shower. Beautiful, yet practical. LOL

Solidarity helps. Knowing I am not in this alone is tremendous. TY.