I know this sounds really silly, but even the act of taking off my shoes publicly felt like I was undressing in front of the airport security people. Then they had to frisk me because the snap on my jeans made their wand beep. I had to stand spread eagle while the security woman moved the wand all over my body. I felt totally out of control, vulnerable and frightened the whole time I was at the airport.

After saying all of this, I realize and realized then that I was over-reacting internally. The anxiety did show on the outside, but I didn't make a run for the door or faint or anything. I was just kinda frozen. When it was over and I could board the plane I was out of my body and walking in fuzz. I felt disoriented and lost and invaded as though I had been raped or molested. I know this is a throw back to childhood molestation and rape. I just wonder if everyone else was as uncomfortable with the process of protecting our country as I was. I think the military guy they frisked ahead of me was incredibly angry. It showed all over his face. Me? Was I angry? I think I was more frightened than anything. I knew it would be that way and had intended not to fly. Events so happened that I had to take the airlines back home. I did catch a ride down to my destination... so at least I didn't have to go through it twice!

Forgive me for writing about this all over the board. I just can't stop :6

Intimacy: "into me see."