Squiggle, you in no way should be feeling guilty or ashamed of your feelings about your T! I wish you could hear that and believe it!! Do you think maybe your T will sense that something is wrong when you see her next, and help you to talk about it? I know you want to "snap out of it" and I hope you can. If it's because your T is away, then having her back may help considerably. When will she be back?