I just left the dissociative program inpatient and on multiple occasions I start to feel dread in public places or even just sitting in my apartment, dread that my parts feel unsafe and unaware of this happening. We spent so much time saying you are in blank blank and you are safe, that it made them feel only blank blank was safe.

I currently have sticky notes hanging up "We are safely at home. It is 2012". All over my place.

It's a really tough night. I tried to lay down, but I was terrified when I woke up I would be back in my hospital bed again, and this was all just one of those dreams you can't pull yourself out of.

That's how it feels, so disconnected that I feel as if I'm dreaming. As if parts of me are in shock that I'm not there and I'm actually here, at home. I will definitely be sleeping with my light on, so that I don't become too disoriented when I wake up to darkness.

If I survive one night I can survive 2. And if I can survive 2, then I can survive 3.

It just happened so fast. I feel so unsafe out here.