It's so dark, it's almost black. And then it's just fog, all around. My head is full of fog, my head aches with everything in it, and I feel like I am walking in fog- that out past me it is sunny and clear but the fog has enveloped me and surrounds me wherever I go, whatever I do. The blackness is the deep, deep hole I am in and can't get out of. All I want to do is close my eyes and wait for these days to pass- all I am doing is passing my days by merely existing anyway so what difference would it make? And the need to feel the pain...it is SO intense I nearly feel dizzy at the thought. I have lots of distractions that I have been using, but tonite I feel like I am going to need more than them to take those urges away. Now even the words on this page are blurring in the fog...And I wonder, is it possible to fully recover from depressive illnesses or will they always be there, just waiting for the right trigger or stressor before they rear their ugly heads again???