I don't know anything about you other than this post.

In fact, reading this post, I'm not sure I understand much about you or the situation. As far as I can tell, you're upset and he's upset, but about different things. I am not even sure how justified either of you are. I simply don't know.

What I can say is, I've always felt that too much emphasis is placed on how things are said, how things are phrased, how tactful they are, how the words come across, etc. It's entirely the wrong approach, imo. The instant you worry about things like rhetoric, the information itself becomes a political commodity. It turns from something that should be about openness, honesty into a device meant to manipulate someone else.

I know, I know, you're just 'protecting' his feelings. That's just code for 'controlling [possibly negative] reactions', which is still controlling behavior. You're attempting to control the outcome of a conversation and, inescapably, the person you're conversing with. This is not necessarily bad, imo, with certain types of relationships. For example, business associates, clients, vender, children, et al. I can even see certain family members being put into this group. You know, I think most conversations in life should be somewhat inequitable like this because most conversations involve negotiating with people who are not always concerned with how the outcome affects you personally. You have to protect yourself. Tact becomes very important in those relationships.

On the other hand, relationships with friends and especially boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives are entirely optional on your part. You have absolute control with who you let into that circle of trust. If you feel you have to control them to be happy, then why are you even with them? It points to a deeper problem, imo, that you do not entirely trust them, which makes you defensive, which makes you feel like you have to control the outcomes of conversations.

Certain types of relationships require a certain level of vulnerability on the part of both people. Maybe an arranged marriage would be the exception to this little rule of mine, but I am assuming that no one is forcing you to see this guy. The decision to be in this kind of relationship inherits a lot of responsibility on your part, imo. On both your parts. One of those is to be completely honest and you can't be completely honest if you're trying to control how things come across to him.

So yeah, I've always felt that too much emphasis is placed on how things are said. More emphasis should be placed on whether the sentiment, or idea, or conversation should even be asserted in the first place. It's all a grey area and this is another grey area for me as well, but that question gets answered when you ask yourself things like, "Why do I even want to bring this up?" "Would this conversation make our relationship more productive?" "Am I doing this for the right reasons?"

If you feel you're doing it for the right reasons, then it doesn't matter how you say it.

You're whoever you are. Everything you do, say or think will always be the unique version of whoever you are. Your words reflect your thoughts in a style that will always be recognizably you. You can't hide that in one conversation. If you make the mistake of sounding 'insensitive' in a conversation like this, then it's a theme that will just keep being repeated. Might as well let him get use to it. Might as well let him know what you really think either way.

It sounds to me like you both are still in the process of deciding if you really want to be together. So at least give each other the courtesy of making an informed decision by both being as genuine to yourselves as possible. That means, not giving this conversation a special status than any other and also not treating him like you would a customer at SEARS by giving him a bunch of canned lines to 'protect his feelings'. Just my two-cents.