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Originally Posted by Squiggle328
I have been reading some things about erotic transference. It states that once the client confesses this to his/her therapist, it is up to the therapist to handle it. The client has done the work by confessing it. It is now up to the therapist to help the client work through those feelings.
I also read that the therapist has to be firm that the erotic feelings cannot continue. They must be worked through in order for therapy to be successful with these two people. I don't want to confess this to my therapist, and she tell me I need to see someone else since this is the second time I have brought it up. It just seems from what I read, the therapist is not to be so gentle and caring when it comes to this issue. They have to be very direct and matter-of -fact about it.The erotic fantasies cannot come to fruition and the client (with help from a therapist) needs to work through those feelings and put them where they really belong. Wherever that is!
I am not in love with my therapist. That has nothing to do with my issue at all. These fantasies are unwanted and I don't understand them.
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Squiggle, confessing it is only part 1. Working it through is part 2, and that can take quite awhile. It IS up to the T to handle it properly and help us work it through, and that holds true for whatever kind of transference we're experiencing. Unfortunately, some T's are much more skilled in handling transference than others, so hopefully your T is someone who can help you figure it out and get through it successfully.
I don't know where you read that T's are not supposed to be gentle and caring when dealing with transference. That's the ONLY way to handle it properly because a T can't turn it off by being cold or callous -- that just sends the feelings underground or the patient running. Yes, the T should definitely remain relatively neutral to avoid "fanning the flames" so that the patient doesn't become even more deeply immersed in the fantasies, to the point where they start to feel "real", but the T should come across as caring and understanding, or else there's no way to get through it because the patient needs that compassion in order to feel safe enough to talk about it. I think some T's aren't good at striking that balance, and will either be too warm or too cold. Hopefully your T can strike that balance.