Hi everyone, I've returned after a long sabbatical from the forum because I messed up a tad... maybe a lot.
Typically I haunt the BPD section but I feel this relates more to Emotion, even if the root beneath my issue stemmed from BPD.

Okay. I am not an angry person. In fact I can count the number of times I've been truly angry on one hand and they have been unrelated to alcohol.
This latest incident, comes out of the blue utterly.

I do not club, but my friends strong-armed me into going. I dressed up, I felt good. And had, what i thought, was a decent time. What I could remember was a vague tiff with my partner.

In fact, I physically hit him. And two women in the same night.
Like I said, I'm not angry, or violent - I don't even like verbal confrontation. So I'm shocked.
But mostly, I'm shocked that I remember all other details from the night, apart from the violence. I can remember the feeling of annoyance from time to time, but I have no visual or emotional memory of the fighting. Does anyone know anything about that kind of thing?

I'm ashamed and confused and don't understand why I lost my temper like that.

Can anyone who deals regularly with anger help me out here?
I'm scared to drink again just in case I do something to someone I care about.