No worries... i wish i was near the sea even thinking about losing my sister too would freak me out, so i'm afraid i just can't imagine...
Actually i think the fact that my parents were divorced is in itself not complicating things... i was very much ok with the divorce and loved my stepdad a lot, so i can just feel lucky they were all in my live once. There are other things complicating matters, but I don't think this is. And actually i'm done thinking about the reasons here...i just want to get out of this mess.

Also: i would REALLY like to thank you for 'listening'/giving me the feeling somebody is reading this... ok, it sounds very overdramatic, but that feeling does mean a lot and i just guess i missed that. (starting this year i moved to a new city/uni/job and really decided i didn't want ppl to know any 'history' of mine... just because i was sick of 'those looks' ...so i'm now thinking maybe i should change that attitude a bit. ) anyways: thanks!