i am really trying to do this i really want to keep the caring T in my head.i am trying to not stay home and obsess about it but i dont know what else to do.tapes is exactally what it is like.this isn't real.why the change.is she getting rid of me.did i say something i shouldnt have was i not careful enough.WHAT IS NEXT??.but it felt so good to be with her wednsday and i hate to loose that and will she be mean next week.will i make her mean.i mean wed she even looked physically differnt.not so scarey.like i could talk to her and .now i'm thinking how did she do that.is any of it real what about before?i dont know I'm sorry