I had been getting over depression but......
My depression is coming back full force.....and it brought a friend.....
I haven't had them in five years, but my suicidal thoughts are back.....it's not just the thoughts that scare me.....
What scares me is when I do get the thoughts, I can't seem to control myself or my thoughts....I am unable to think of anything good.....all I am able to hink about is how death would feel nice right about now.....
I don't know what to do.....my friend is getting me help, I am meeting someone on Wednesday, butI don't know if I can last that long......
The only person who has ever been able to calm me down during these times goes to my school, but he is moving away this Sunday.....Whenever he holds me, all the fear, depression, suicidal thougths, and sadness all vanish and today will be the last time i can see him.....
He only knows about my depression, he doesn't know about my suicidal thoughts....
I'm just so scared that if I am left alone beforewednesday I am going to do something drastic......I cant tell my mom about these things cause I'm too scared. When I told her in the past she would yell at me andwould be like, "No you're not. You're just astupid b i t c h who wants attention" and tehn she wouldhit me......I actually had attempted suicide and she had stopped me right before shestarted hitting me over and over again......
I want to have a friend here who will stay with me but everyone i have grown to love and trust has left me......
I don't know what to do anymore.......