please don't hate yourself you are a good person.sometimes it is important to hear that from the people we trust and care about so i would call and let her know how you are feeling down and not trusting her careing and i bet she would be able to give you the reassurance you need right now.i wish i knew what to say to make you feel better but i'm kind of in the same spot.i hope you will be able to call and talk to you T