I'm at the cringing part still, Improving.

My T has talked repeatedly about how I have incorporated my abuser into myself. I really struggle with not judging myself for that. It is difficult for me to draw the line between whether I am abusive inside my head toward myself, or whether I really am that disgusting as a person, and anyone who saw what happened inside my head would be just as disgusted. If that makes sense.

I am still struggling with how separate things are in my head. Just looking at the kid in the room causes problems. There is the kid, the disgusted person, and then a fairly neutral person whose job appears to be limited to opening and closing doors inside my head. And it's a guy. How bizarre is that? And who died and made him king of the doors?

Anyway. I do appreciate the additional information. Off to marriage counseling.