Hmm, trusting and hating at the same time? They seem like a contradiction but idk. When I'm not upset I feel icky for saying I hate(d) him but I did, and don't know if I'll do it again. I think being afraid of giving up that "hope that someday I'll be okay" was the most upsetting thing about thinking maybe I needed to quit. I hope this yo-yo stays on the happy side for a while.