This is the first time I have ever sought the advice/opinion of others over the Internet! I have been reading many wonderful articles on PC and thought I'd give this a try. I want and need to be more assertive. Here goes:

I have been married for 25 years. First 11 years my husband was an active alcoholic. We chose to get married because of my pregnancy. Obviously lots of hurt and pain with the drinking. When he became sober, 13 years ago, we decided to try for a second child and were blessed. Afterwards I suffered from mild post partum, and removal of my ovary which plunged me into menopause at the age of 40. Hormonally I was a mess. Basically then, I began to fall apart. Never a major episode, but mildly dysthymic--since childhood. This took a toll on my marriage as I feel I had so many issues on top of the bad feelings toward my husband leftover from his drinking days and my feelings of abandonment.

My problem now is that my husband told me in early November that he was not happy anymore and was leaving me after the holidays. I managed to keep my act together and get through them as normally as possible. My boys are 24 and 13. I am proud of my inner strength. My husband travels a lot and is rarely home anymore. He is still living here with me. He says that he is confused and leaving for him is sad. He does care for me. I have been taking great care of myself and trying to be strong for my kids and for me. I have apologized to my husband and expressed my desire to save the marriage.

He says he needs space to think about things. He recently told me he put a deposit on a townhouse but it won't be finished until August!! It is now the beginning of March! Am I wrong in feeling that he should just get out now? I have difficulty being assertive--and I don't want to be a doormat but I feel this is totally unfair! I feel we should either work toward rebuilding the marriage or move on. Your thoughts?