I was recently in your exact situation, I too felt suicidal but I reached out for help. I know it's scary to ask for help because then you're admitting that things are serious and out of your control. I suggest talking to and staying with the ones you love and to talk to your therapist (if you have one) right away. If not go to the ER. They will evaluate you, figure out what specifically you need and then how to get that. I had to do this and it was terrifying. But I then was admitted to a facility for short-term hospitalization and I now can say I am not ever committing suicide. You can get the help you need to conquer those suicidal feelings. Please reach out, it is so worth it.