I am so desperate right now..... and I dont have anybody to turn to. I am a mom of 2 (4 and 5 years) and my husband and I have had problems like all couples but last week he told me that he was deppresed because of me....for me things were good...apparently he is being feeling like this for a long time but he was keeping it from me because he was scare.
A little background... my husband life is, go to work and then come home to play in the computer until 3 am. As you may guess I have asked him for time for me and for his kids.... but he is in 1 day and the 4 days out in his own world. I have to wake up early and take the kids to school and pick them, I have to go to work (8-5 and up) and I have to take care of all the house shores and decisions......now he says that I dont take into consiferation his opinion, actually I always ask but he jusr shrug....I have always whish he can be a little more decided.....lately I admit I have stop asking. I usually go to the computer room to talk but he doesnt focus on what I say , This have been and eternal fight for me, with only temporary improvement and worst drawbacks
I have a bad temper and altough I try to control myself I accept I have said so many things that hurt him really bad, I have accepted all the bad thing I have done, I accpet full responsibility (although there are many things that are a result of his indifference and his absence, not physically but emotional. We have been very good friends so it is a very special relationship. Right now he feels very depressed and that hes eing manipulated. I feel betray because he kept all this from me. I love him so much, all this week I have thought about the things I have done and accept my respoinsibility I feel asshamed of myself because I am a good person and I have always wanted the best for him... I wanted to protect him because he had a bad childhood, sometime he just doesnt allow me to love him which is very frustrating) After thinking I am willing to change I mean I know what I hve done wrong and I know I wouldn't want those things to be done to me....... but I yet dont know if he is willing to give me a chance. I am hurt because I don't want to loose him, I want to love him and show him that I have tasted what is to loose him and I dont want that, I am decided to do whatever it takes to fight for our love, for our family but I am afraid he thinks it is too late. This past week I have being so deppresed, the way he takes his depression is spending all the time in the computer, so I feel so alone, hiding my feelings because of my kids and because I dont want to rush him

He is my love, I still day dream about him and it kills me that I hurt him....

On top of things I was interviewing for a new job and didnt get it. So I am about to burst..... and dont have anybody to talk too.