well the doctor called me today wanting to know if i was ok because i left so angry, i said i was fine and left it at that. i called back later today with a question about the meds since i will be out of meds by monday i wanted to know what i was suppose to do. the lady told me that the reason i didnt get more meds was because the doctor felt he couldnt help me anymore and thats why he wanted me to go to that place. she said she was going to talk to the doctor and the other nurse and even the medical advisor at the health clinic. this is exactly what i didnt want this whole situation blown way out of proportion. shes like well we will have to talk about it and decide what we are going to do to help you. she asked me again if i would consider going to this other place and i said no i dont understand why i have to go there, why cant i just deal with the depression with the meds and deal with the other stuff(SI) with the counselor. she said she understood. whatever i doubt she did she was just saying that so i wouldnt get mad.... i have stopped cutting and burning before for like 2 months but i started again...i havent done anything to myself in almost a week but my counselor told me i should talk to the doctor about it. i think she knew this was going to happen. do you really think i should go to this place i mean do i really need to be put on meds to stop SI? i think i can stop but sometimes its just so hard to not do it. everywhere i look there is a razor blade or a lighter just calling my name. i really want to get over this but i dont know how just to stop. do you understand where im coming from?
another thing the doctor treated me like i was a piece of [censored], like it disgusted him to talk about it. well it disgusts me to look at what i do to myself everday. he said you can get over this and be successful, and put all of this behind you. what does that mean? i cant be successful and SI at the same time? that just made me feel worthless, and the best part i have to go back and talk to him again on monday after they decide what they are going to do with me. i feel like some case study or something. anyway thanks for reading and your advice i really appreciate it.