Quote:
Originally Posted by Silent_tsol
So she started talking about trust and security in an abstract way, not pressuring me to talk about anything (there's enough current stuff to keep us busy but the current stuff is also related to the other stuff, she just doesn't know how much) or saying that I need to trust anyone or anything just talking about them. But I completely froze and shut down. She noticed to and I know she's noticed I've done it before when the topic comes up. She asks "where I've gone" and I'm still there just not. I don't know where I've gone, I've just put up bigger walls and gates and I don't think I'm even allowed behind those walls. She made this the focus but I can't explain it. I can't just lock myself out on command and I don't know how/where I learned how to do it so I couldn't answer her questions when she asked.
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I really can relate to this experience in therapy. My dr, never pressures me either but I get that frozen feeling when he says similar things your t says to you. I shut down and the conversation does not progress, (like you there is enough issues in my day-to day life to fill the hour).
First, I think it is HUGE that you are able to acknowledge when this happens...believe it or not, this is chipping away at any wall that you have secured around yourself. For me, I think the fear is having someone outside of my head AWARE of the parts of me that are vulnerable. I don't know how to sit with it. So although it strikes something in me when those kinds of comments are made, I shut down- but I know it is resonating at some level. You know this too. I imagine the next step is for the both of us to take that plunge and let someone behind that wall
