I can relate to your concerns, as I think many of us here at PC can. Non affirmation, abuse or plain rejections are terrible things to endure in the family of origin. It's 1/2 way there to understand the triggers and our reactions, sometimes anger and conflict, over what we cannot change, or over "other people's" children who cross our boundaries. Dr. J. Young writes about schemas we adopt in childhood as response/framings to others. Fighting the ghosts part for me was intense concentration on forgetting any pain...and concentrating on good memories, especially more recently, with my own children, now grown up. Establishing and maintaining boundaries is very important, as stated above...statements like, "I feel that...", asserts who you are and what you will or will not allow from another person. Sometimes this takes me off guard, like in a store when a cashier says something stupid but hits a trigger, I'd like to punch her in the jaw, but resolve walking away to let it go, realize she is nothing to me, and that I refuse to be offended. Self esteem comes from being comfortable with who we are in the present, I think, and establishing our identity in loving relationships, civil relationships, with protective awareness. Guess I rambled on again...it's OK, I'm just like that. Good luck with your journey. Recently, last week, my T of 5 years attacked me with 4 accusations on my character. It was horrible, but she was being defensive and doing her own punching. Funny memory: as psychologist I saw years ago, a guy, had two sets of boxing gloves we could use if venting of anger was required!

I'm living in an area where I have been more beat up at jobs and in a fairly nice neighborhood by hostile neighbors, that I'm getting ready to move because too many bad things have happened here to me, that it's impossible to believe it will change, and I fight the ghosts. Then again, moving has its own set of new problems/people. I've just become too 'comfortable' with the good aspects of my history here; I'm not sure how to balance the decision. Feedback welcome, if anyone ever moved and things got better in a new environment, especially after losses or kids grew up and moved on.