PH, thank you. I was beginning to feel like no one liked me here anymore. What worries me is that I DO have relationships like that in RL. One in particular, someone who I can be myself with and who knows my therapy issues too! She's wonderful, but she's also very busy so she can't be there for me like my T can. I know no one can. Anyway, she's one person, a close friend and is extremely compassionate. I'm lucky to have her.

I have a couple of other friends who I can be real with too, but not as much. I don't think most people have more than a couple of close friends so I feel like I'm doing all right in the friendship department.

I'm confiding more in my H even though he still says "You're in love with T". I'm trying to ignore that when he says it because I can't explain it to him.

So, if I have those relationships, now what?

I don't want to give up the adult relationship with my T and I think she will agree that I don't have to. You're right that it's the child, teen and other parts with the unmet needs who still want her to be there for them in ways she can't be.

I know the other relationship with her that I want isn't healthy. We had to work that out in therapy because I was more aware of it than she was. I gave up the emails from her, and I told her that the walks we took made me feel "too good" with her. Holding her hand and hugs remain good and safe, not triggering for me. I don't ask all the time and she doesn't offer.

But I can't control my feelings when my eyes are open and I'm looking at her! Many of my sessions recently have been doing EMDR with my eyes closed. I feel close to her but it's about me. I can't avoid her forever, though! The last 5 minutes of my session 2 weeks ago triggered something. Not asking her the questions, just looking at her.

It's still hard to keep my parts separate and not have the parts that want her get mixed up with the adult parts who like her as my T.