Been thinking about this a little more. The therapy relationship itself really does become less intense and less important over time if it's used in the way it's meant to be used. When it provides the safety and security we need to help us understand ourselves and define our wants and needs and what we have to offer others, we are then much more likely to choose to be in relationships with people who can meet some of our needs, just as we are better able to meet some of their needs if we know ourselves well enough to know our limits. When we don't really know or understand ourselves very well, many times we end up in friendships and marriages that really aren't good for us because we don't know what to look for. So we come to therapy almost starving for whatever's been missing, except at first we don't know what's been missing, and then as we learn more about ourselves and begin to define what's been missing, all these intense feelings and longings can end up being transferred to the T. That's because we don't yet have another place for them -- either we don't have other relationships where some of those needs can be met, or maybe our existing relationships aren't meeting our needs because there are issues that need to be worked through in those relationships, or maybe we realize those relationships will never be gratifying because we've changed and grown but the other person hasn't and doesn't want to change and grow.
The therapy relationship will never be like "real life" adult relationships because it's closer to the parent/child relationship in the sense that it's one sided; it's about us and our therapeutic needs, so there's always going to be a parental element to it since that's the only other relationship it mimics in any way. There's no way to really escape that fact even for people who detest the word parental and who don't see the T as a parent figure at all. It's still a one sided relationship that exists to meet certain needs that we have, so it's not something we can replicate with other healthy adults.
And our original relationship with our parents, even though it sets the stage, so to speak, for our relationships with others, really isn't a blueprint for those relationships either. We don't use it to duplicate that relationship with others -- we use it as a starting point, but it's a crucial relationship even though it's not something we use as a blueprint. From the day we're born, a good enough parent should be preparing us for relationships with others and a life apart from our parents, in much the same way as a good enough T helps us prepare for life in the real world and the eventual end of therapy. The therapy relationship is definitely unique -- but so is the relationship we have with our parents. Neither can be used as an actual blueprint for other relationships, but both can provide the foundation we need to successfully develop and navigate those relationships.