Quote:
Originally Posted by SoupDragon
Thanks elliemay - I want to be one person, I believe I am one person, or one "me" - and yes I can relate to that one authentic self - I thought I knew who I was but that has been blown apart over the last few years and I have been left feeling as I have been blown into many small pieces - actually an analogy has just come to me.
A china caup has a purpose, a function and a value, yet may originate from many things (actually I don't know how china is made, but guess it consists of more that 1 substance) - it is is dropped it becomes many small pieces, each one unrecogonisable, bearing no resemblance to that china cup - it can be pieced back together, but it may take time to examine each piece to see where it fits - so is this what happens with trauma? Our whole it broken, fragmented, split, but slowly we have to piece it all back together?
Also maybe the china cup was never put together well in the first place, maybe there were flaws in it already which made it more susceptible to breakage? And maybe that piece of clay(?) actually never wanted to be a china cup, it wanted to be a plate or a cute ornament on a shelf....I could go on 
The whole prospect of examining a "part" of me is fairly terrifying which is why I am trying to get a better understanding to make it feel safer. |
I guess the problem with seeing myself as one person...is that the parts are so completely out of character for me...
I have a really reckless part that does really wild thing that I wouldnt do and even puts in dangerous situations...and at the time I think its me..but when I look back, I realize Ive done all this stuff and talked and behaved and even thought and believed in ways I just wouldnt....
Thats not me! I dont do that...
but I did...
and it doesnt make sense..
its just like..if it was as simple as "I feel like eating chocolate today" and tomorrow I dont...thats different..
but this is like living opposite lives. It feels like much more than "Darn I regret doing that"
and they cycle and come back whenever they want and leave and....its like having people enter your body..and do stuff and you can even watch them and think its you...but then your like..
but it cant be me because I wouldnt do that...
blah I talk to much.
I mean technically your right..I am just 1 person...but it feels like I have parts that are out of control
for me anyway
my T hasnt really understood this, but I dont like to talk about this in T a lot because it makes me nervous.