lostmyway, shoez, elliemay, roadie, rainbow8 and lucydog - thank-you all so much for your help in this - there is a lot for me to think about here, some really useful things for me to explore (my background is scientific / statistical rather than arts or creativity so this is really hard for me to bend my mind around) - but yes I am willing to be open minded - the usual "medical model" has done nothing for me in solving this problem I have, so I am up for anything.

At the moment I am left with questions, why do I feel like this, is it normal / abnormal (yes I know there debate of "normality"), is there something wrong with me - not sure why these questions are important to me, maybe just because I have always felt different and if someone said yes we classify you as x,y,z at least it would stop some of the wondering - although maybe it would create more questions.

Thanks again - Soup