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I'm a Christian too. Whether you call it biology, or the ultimate gift from our creator, one thing I know for sure is that we are hard wired to love each other. Another thing I know for sure is that we were charged to "be fruitful and mulitply". Right now what I think you are experiencing are extreme feelings of each. It's okay, I think it was what therapy was designed to do - evoke extreme emotion and bring to light our most basic, essential impulses.
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Yes, therapy does bring out extreme emotions! I get the love part, that is not where I am having an issue. It is the sexual part that is bothering me the most.
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I really think that you will be okay. That this is something that can be resolved and you will emerge a much wiser, better person for it.
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I am sure that once this all settles down, I will see that there was a reason/lesson to be learned from this. I just wish that I didn't have to sit face to face with her and talk about it. It would be so much easier to do this through email with her. Unfortunately, she won't go for that. She will allow me to email, but she will expect us to talk about it when we meet for our session.
I know that part of this has to do with my marriages. Both of them lacked the intimacy that I believe God meant for a marriage to have. That is, a
healthy sexual relationship. Too many times that part of the marriage gets so twisted that neither spouse is satisfied and thus, the breaking down of the marriage begins.
Pornography detroyed my marriage. It is on the mend right now, but you can't erase 20 years of that. For me, pornography is wrong. It is very demeaning to a woman. It tore our relationship apart. Can it be repaired? Yes, to some degree. But can it really be restored? Can all the pain, hurt, anger and guilt be taken away? I don't know about that. This is what I am working on in therapy. Maybe because we talk about this in therapy, I am being faced with this erotic transference for my therapist? I don't know. It is not easy to talk about and I am confused by my feelings.
How can I be upset with my husband when I am having these (improper) thoughts about my therapist? The difference is that he
wanted the thoughts and visual images that he sought out by using pornography. I
don't want these thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc.......that I am facing.