I'm wondering if the periods of anger/rage that I've been experiencing for the past couple of weeks are due to a change in meds or my bipolar acting up due to the stress of losing my job a month ago. I had worked there for 9.5 years. Needless to say, I didn't take the layoff well. For the first 3 days, I was extremely anxious. Then I started to nosedive into depression. My pdoc and I thought we would head this off at the pass by replacing the 60 mg Cymbalta with 150mg Wellbutrin XL. That was an epic fail. I ended up so "activated" that I was exercising several hours a day (and to the point of injury), driving way too fast anywhere I went. My heart rate shot up and my blood pressure went from low to borderline hypertension. I was miserable and on the verge of flat out panic 24 hours a day for a week before I got the idea that maybe the Wellbutrin XL was the culprit. I was also having horrible brain zaps from stopping the Cymbalta cold turkey. A week ago, my pdoc switched me to regular Wellbutrin, 75 mg a day. Since then, I have become increasingly suicidal and fly into rages several times a day where I want to kill animals, myself and the general public. I'm genuinely scared that I will harm or kill my parrot the next time he squawks at me. (I would have someone else take care of him for awhile but he has a fatal disease contagious to other birds. So no one can take him.)

I'm getting really frustrated with all these way over the top physical symptoms and (resulting?) emotional rollercoaster. The rage scares me. I'm feeling a bit like I did when I took prednisone for plantar fasciitis (foot pain). I was on a 6-day pack. On the 3rd day, I had a complete breakdown at work and had to be hospitalized. My boss was very brave to stand in the path of my truck to keep me from leaving. Only a shred of logic kept me from running over her. That logic told me that though I've experienced extreme emotions for sustained periods of time before, this was extreme even for me. I'm getting this same sense now.

Oh, and I'm on 200 mg lamotrigine. I've felt better than ever since starting it, but I went from being a top performer at my company to a mediocre employee. That's probably why I lost my job. Also since starting the lamotrigine, I've had more mood swings and have become generally *****ier (meaner and less sympathetic).

Oh, and I wear hearing aids in both ears. I purchased a pair of top of the line aids several months ago. Phonak Naida IX SP. They're verypowerful and versatile and complicated to program. My programming needs are beyond my audiologist's expertise, so she referred me to someone else. That's fine and dandy. Unfortunately the most recent changes the new audiologist made to my digital programmable hearing aids have made things so much worse. I paid $10,000 for these things and after 6 months they still don't work well.

I am beside myself. Every other word going through my mind is a cuss word, lol.

I don't know what to think or do. I'm afraid to take any medication at all, but I also know that stopping cold turkey is a really, really bad idea. I have an appointment with my pdoc Monday at 5 PM. That seems like such a long way off....

Thanks for letting me rant. I'm taking a copy of this post to my appointment. It has given me some perspective.