got it 100%...hate my evil father 100%..don't miss him at all..no regrets.

but the mother....there were some good points to her even tho she was abusive. in her own way she taught me many things...was she evil & wrong? yes. but she gave to me a love of history, reading, & other things...

i think for most people there is some good...(not all)...so that is what causes the conflict. i did not get to say good bye to eitehr one of my parents before they died. i feel sad for my mother...she should not have passed alone as she was...him..i don't give a crap about.

so i get your conflict. i don't dance on either one of their graves...altho i have been to neither of their graves (never to my mom's) in many years.

also...there is safety in what was known...even in if it wasn't safe..if that makes sense.