I realize that there isn't a HUGE community of people that consider themselves to have APD, which either makes me special or unlucky in that there might now be the knowledge and resources out there to fully address my issue as perhaps there would be with something like depression or PTSD. However, I am fully convinced that this is the root cause of everything that I feel in my life and all other issues that I deal with on a daily basis stem from these feelings. Feelings of social awkwardness, inferiority, jealousy, insecurity and low self-esteem all contribute to my general depression as well as feeding off each other and reinforcing each other every day of my life. While it is true that I have not been "officially" diagnosed by a professional, everything that I have read and studied about this "disorder" fits me to a tee. I am going to see a therapist for the first time in my life near the end of March and for me this is a huge step. There is nothing harder for me than to open up to someone, let alone a complete stranger, but I've come to this point in my life where this part of me has sucked up so much of a life that is supposed to be enjoyable but one in which I have always sat and stared from the sidelines. I don't know if it is something that I can overcome or "cure", but I really don't want to feel this way anymore. I want to be "normal" even though I know that people will tell me over and over that "normal" is overrated. I don't mean normal in that I want to be a clone of everyone else, it's just that I want to be able to act and feel and live my life the way that I feel a person is meant to without the crushing yoke of petty jealousies and insecurities about everything in their life. It is very hard to explain to someone that doesn't suffer from this every day how it actually feels inside. Being so self-conscious and self-critical of yourself in EVERY situation, even when you're NOT around other people. It is not a fun way to live and I wish I hadn't waited so many years before getting help. If anyone feels the same way, I on the one hand am comforted to know that there are others out there, but at the same time I feel sorry that ANYONE has to feel the way that we do.