I answered this before. I did it to escape. First time i drank i had convulsions and went blind not from bad alcohol but from drinking whole bottle of vodka plus every drink left around the party. I loooooved the feeling and didn't know alcohol could kill you i almost
died. I saw black and white , then color that night. It wasnt until i was much older i realized how close i came to dying. I think anyone that abuses drugs/ alcohol is somewhat suicidal. I was. I just always took risks and didnt care if i died. I wasnt feeling invincible like
some teens. I really didnt care to live. I had no respect/gratitude for the gift of my life because i was already dead inside.